Mastering the Art of Speak Romance Like a Gen Z: 51 Niche Phrases for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {